


resolutions in satin

by tattookiss



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 4x13, Almost Kiss, Angst, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, No Happy Ending Fest, its so bad im sorry, praimfaya feelzZZ, the deadly episode, twitter this is for you BBYYYY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattookiss/pseuds/tattookiss
Summary: She was suffocating on the emanating heat of his body, of his eyes that seemed dazed by the lack of distance between them, gaze hazily focused on her lips. And his voice was a husky timbre, softly forming words that barely registered in Clarke's mind, her solid presence on earth long since forgotten as she began to float up, up, upwards."I don't think you understand the lengths I would go for you," Bellamy whispered, pushing the words from his lungs to hers, sending a shudder throughout her entire body.or a re-imagining of 4x13
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47





	resolutions in satin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenoftheWallflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheWallflowers/gifts).



> dedicated to pris for putting up with me sending beta works at ungodly hours, to allie for hyping me up when im far from deserving, and for yaso cause she's the kindest person i know and deserves this. 
> 
> p.s. IDK WHAT THIS IS OK

“Raven’s premonition came true..”

Bellamy’s eyes searched Clarke’s, his brows furrowed, and the lines of his mouth curved into a deep frown, he looked away from her, choosing to walk back towards the small glass room, running a hand through his skewed curls.  
  
“Clarke, I would think you of all people would know that we can’t dictate our actions by something we’ve been told or lead to assume.” He turned towards her, his voice trembling, “With everyone else, you never let their death sentence dictate how you lead, you never stopped _fighting_ to find a way to fix the problem. So, why are you so indignant about letting yourself die?”

Clarke felt tears well up in her eyes, as she opened her mouth to reply, hands grasped tightly to her chest. “Bellamy-”

He cut her off with an icy glare and a swift shake of his head, his hands curled tightly into fists, “No, not this time. You don’t get to interrupt me and try to tell me that I need to just _accept_ whatever the hell happens. Now you have to listen to me for once.”

Clarke nodded, biting down on her trembling lip as she watched him pace back and forth across the small length of space, his shoulders taut and expression revealing something so profoundly _Bellamy_ that it made her shudder.  
  
She glanced back out the glass window, profusely aware of the time that was slowly ticking by, but all she could think about was how hard her heart was pounding, and the depth of Bellamy’s eyes as he took a step towards her.

“In the beginning, I was a self-serving jackass and you were an entitled princess, but even then we understood each other. We shared each other’s burdens, the need for us to come together and lead.  
  
“And through it all; sending me into Mount Weather, leaving for 3 months, staying in Polis, taking Lexa’s side, defeating A.L.I.E., or trying to keep Octavia out of the bunker… No matter which time it was, I could never bring myself to hate you, I don’t think I ever will. Can’t you understand, Clarke? _I can’t lose you._ This isn’t just about you and a vague premonition your mom had, it’s about what’s best for us all, for the people who care about you, for me.”  
  
Clarke felt tears run down her cheeks as she took in shuddering gasps at Bellamy’s words, unable to comprehend the extent of how much she was feeling about all of this, about him.  
  
The air changed at that moment, an underlining tension weighing down on them. It was a push and pull between them, her turn to push, to urge them along this beaten path they’ve been walking since the moment they met. But the words were stuck in her throat, glued to her tongue, and she was paralyzed.

Her mind was running a mile a minute about how all of this shouldn’t be happening, that it was the end of the world, and somehow Bellamy managed to confess everything and nothing to her while their home was being slowly destroyed. When everyone else was slaving away, trying to figure out a way to survive, and here they were talking about unspoken things, bleeding of denial and constant refusing.

But why shouldn't they allow themselves this after the way they've been treated? After months of separation and painful truths thrown at each other, of confessions and lies spilling out over what their makeshift partnership used to be.

Why... why couldn't she and Bellamy have this one thing and ignore the current grievances of the rest of the world?

She felt her back hit the wall as he took a few steps closer, shortening the space between them step by step. His molten brown eyes were steady on hers, pupils blown as he looked at her with what Clarke could only consider adoration... something so similar to the looks Wells, Finn, and Lexa gave her that she didn't even want to acknowledge what it could be, _what it is._

But suddenly Bellamy was there, in her space, in her mind, in her heart. He was everywhere and nowhere, his presence enveloping her without even a brush of his skin against hers. He kept his hands on either side of her, and yet, Clarke couldn't breathe.

She was suffocating on the emanating heat of his body, of his eyes that seemed dazed by the lack of distance between them, gaze hazily focused on her lips. And his voice was a husky timbre, softly forming words that barely registered in Clarke's mind, her solid presence on earth long since forgotten as she began to float up, up, upwards.

"I don't think you understand the lengths I would go for you," Bellamy whispered, pushing the words from his lungs to hers, sending a shudder throughout her entire body.

She couldn't say that she didn't see this, that she didn't think of them as inevitable. It was only the right way to describe what they were to each other; destiny, fate, call it what you must, but any other universe that might be out there that didn't include them together, like this, was a place she never wanted to go.

"Maybe you don't make it to the rocket ship in the end," He paused, expression closing off as pain coursed through his features. "but I can't take the chance on a maybe, a what-if, or whether or not I can bear losing you. And I’m tired of waiting, for a sign, for the world to be put on pause so we can do something about whatever the hell _this_ is. I’m done waiting for exceptional things to just happen.”

Clarke finds herself swaying forward at his words, space rescinding even further, hypnotized on what he has to say, no matter how unbelievable it is to her.

"And if _this_ doesn’t happen? I need you to move on from me, Bellamy." She hesitantly murmured, eyes remaining steady on a point over his shoulder, "I couldn’t forgive myself if losing me is what causes your breaking point if it takes away the essence of who you are.”

“God, do you understand what you are to me? Bellamy Blake, the one I could rely on most, through my many upheavals in life, even when we weren't on the best terms, you were my constant. And if we aren't meant for fate, then I don't want you to be hung up on that. I don’t want you to be hung up on me like some Greek tragedy."

Bellamy scoffed, “I don’t think there’s a Greek tragedy that can compare to what we’ve been through. Besides, most of them in the story end up dead together, so at least I’d go down with you.”

She huffed out a laugh, “Always one to see the bright side of things.”

Clarke found herself reaching up to rest her hands on the nape of his neck, fingers curling around the soft curls, trying desperately to memorize the feel of him. Her smile faded as she gazed at him, tracing the splatter of freckles on his face, the slope of his nose, and settled on the curve of his Cupid’s bow, her face tinged pink at the knowing look in his eyes.

"Do you know the kind of effect you have on me, Clarke Griffin?" He breathed, seemingly floating closer as second after second passed by of them sharing each other's air, presence, the stardust they were made of.

"I may-I may have a clue.." She tilted her head, mouth parted, hot breath flooding her every sense, sending her body into a blazing inferno.

Nose to nose, chest to chest, his hands on her hips, mind buzzing as she forgets her very own name.

He hesitated, paused on his descent towards her, gaze still zeroed in on her chapped lips that Clarke was desperately trying to keep from breaking the space between them.

"I- I need you to know something..."

A wry smile curled upon her lips, as she delicately let her lips glide across his jawline, barely a butterfly's fluttering touch.

"Could you tell me after?" She hushed, purposely pulling herself closer, every nerve of her body alight with a feeling that was beyond any comprehension.

A shiver wracked Bellamy's body as he fought to keep his eyes open, hands tightening on Clarke's waist.

He opened his mouth to reply, but at the pressure of her lips against his jaw, he seemed to spasm out of place, his clarity and confidence evaporating like it never existed in the first place.

**All because of her.**

She let out a hum at the feel of his body trembling in anticipation as her lips traced his face, soft curves, and all.

Clarke stopped at the corner of his mouth, their lips barely centimetres away, heads bent, torsos sealed together like they never should’ve been apart.

“It’s the end of the world Bellamy, I can’t be expected to make the first move.” She teased, feeling the contours and facial hair on her lips as she spoke.  
  
His lips curved upwards at her words, mouth opening, and Clarke was waiting, waiting, waiting in anticipation, her blood pumping hot through her veins for the _finally,_ with the want, the need for him.  
  
“ ** _SHIT!_** ”

And Clarke collapsed in on herself at that moment, the space between them widening more than she’s ever known, grasping at the threads of what she almost had, desperate to turn back time.  
  
But instead, she left the remnants of their quiet world, heading towards the source of the noise, where Raven was popping out of the rocket, frustration carving across her face. She ignored Bellamy’s heated gaze on her back, left with words unsaid, tension unfulfilled, and lines crossed that they can never go back on.  
  
A burst of pain exploded in Clarke’s chest, the urge to let the dam burst inside of her, weakening her resilience step by step. Goose flesh bounced across her skin in the thin radiation suit, and she knew that there was something she had missed. Something vital that would never be gained back for her, for Bellamy.  
  
~~I love you, Clarke Griffin.~~  
  
~*~*~*~

Clarke jolted up with a gasp, chest heaving and tears staining her cheeks as she scrabbled for purchase on the worn animal furs she used as a bed. Her heart pounded in her chest, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, zeroing in on Madi fast asleep in the corner of the room. She flopped back onto her pillows, running a hand through her damp hair.

As the dream faded, she chased it, forlorn and heartbroken, desperate to feel his breath on her lips, his hands on her waist, dark gaze boring into her.

She wanted him so badly it hurt, pained her to even think about how she was stuck on earth, yearning for him. Bellamy Blake might even be dead, and she would never know. Forever doomed to talk to him on a shitty radio, with an aching chest, wishing for something that never got to begin.

Her hands grapple for the sketchbook on her nightstand, and she begins to sketch out the familiar outline of his jaw. She hasn't seen him with her own eyes for almost 6 years, but his face is burned into her mind forever, unwilling to leave as she desperately grasps onto flimsy remnants of their time together.

Her mind flashes back to the night she made the list, of when he had been there to comfort for her, to feel for her. The warmth of his hand on her shoulder, holding on tight, grounding her to the earth that was on the verge of an apocalypse.

The memory should've given her comfort, warmth of how Bellamy was almost always there during her darkest moments, but all it renders is guilt and self-loathing that she didn't surge into his arms right then and there.

That she didn't just throw caution to the wind and kiss him like she's been wanting to since the day she left him to possibly die in Mount Weather.

Every memory of her and Bellamy was tainted by the regret that coursed through her veins, of her mind on constant overdrive telling her that there was no time for her happiness. That he couldn't possibly return her feelings.

Or maybe it was that everyone she ever fell in love with always died no matter what. Because she was Wanheda, the Commander of Death, and her touch was deadly.

Her father, Wells, Finn, Lexa; every one that had ever chosen to love her ended up dead. So, how could Clarke possibly choose to believe that Bellamy ever could? That his love had surpassed the curse of death upon her, from loving her irrevocably despite the consequences.

Maybe she wasn't allowed his love, his untimely devotion when all she's ever done is let him down. Her hands were coated in so much blood she forgot what being clean looked like, she forgot what pure even meant because it was the exact opposite of who she was, who she had become.

Who could ever love a monster like her?

It wasn't fair, god it wasn't, but what could she do? What could Clarke Griffin do to earn back her humanity and deserve to live, deserve her very own happily ever after?

But maybe, just like how there were no good guys, there was no happily ever after. No meant to be, dreams coming true, or any _terrible_ fairy tale she led herself to believe growing up. Hope and comfort were rescinding from Clarke’s body, draining her dry, and seeping out of every pore, leaving her empty.  
  
Her and Bellamy were never allowed to pick and choose, only to seize to exist when fate deems it necessary. With or without each other.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> wow, cant believe you made it to the end. 
> 
> in all fairness i wrote this entire story at varying periods of the night in the course of three days, and proceeded to stress myself out even further by using a website that will delete all your work if you stop typing before you reach your word goal or the timer runs out. 
> 
> so it's been fun. if you guys like it enough i shall do an after one shot where they address the kiss in s5. if yall are into that idk 
> 
> kudos and comments give me life


End file.
